broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
