You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
