Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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