We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
