Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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