she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
