Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
