Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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