My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
