Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
