I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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