me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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