hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's always time for handjobs
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
