fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize