my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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