I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
