the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
