just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
