David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
