Apparently you make a good broom.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
