New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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