I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
