"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
