am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
