its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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