I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
