Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
