Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
