My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
