He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
