if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's just like the Real World with babies
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
