you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
