I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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