UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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