if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
