I want to make a zoo with you.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
