i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
