I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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