So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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