did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
