My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
