either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
