im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
