I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
