oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
