just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
