bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
