I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
