You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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