batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
