Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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