I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
