I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
