You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
