dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Randomize