The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
