I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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