you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
