In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
