I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize