It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
