We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
