I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
