So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
