O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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