he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
