Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
