New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
