If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
