If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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