either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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