He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize