Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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