Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
