He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My bed smells like the plague
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
