I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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