Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
