Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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