I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
