these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
two words...techno handjob
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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