I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
