he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
