Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
