I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize