I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
