I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
