Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
