its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
