my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
